Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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