If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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