We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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