At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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