i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
