all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
