so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
