So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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