How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
