GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She bit a glass in half.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
