yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
