He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
