So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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