I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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