remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
