I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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