she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize