Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
