i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
