don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
