i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
