absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
