I just cut my nipple shaving
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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