My friends, they love my intelligence
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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