I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
