And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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