He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
