if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
