If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
