I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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