I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Come on in and take your pants off
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