i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
