dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize