Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
