Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
