she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
