I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
