pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
