If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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