I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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