matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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