hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
