Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
