I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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