just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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