I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
