Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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