Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You pole danced in your parka.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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