everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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