Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
