I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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