my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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