I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize