i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
