guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize