$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
