Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
