you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize