it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
