He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
