If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
