i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
