I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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