btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So much rum. So many feels.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
