Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
