So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
