'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
