Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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