there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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